In other words, the basis for the inability to relate to others is the inability to relate to self. The codependent, as we have already mentioned, has a profound lack of self-concept, which manifests as emotional dependence on others. This desperate search for personal identity makes it impossible to experience a genuinely intimate relationship.
I once heard a codependent laughingly describe his failed method for finding true love—“Find the most superficially desirable person who will have you, make up a personality for that person, then stick to it no matter what!” As long as we cannot accept ourselves and others for who we are, there is no true intimacy, as the saying goes, “Addicts don’t have relationships; they take hostages!” To put it simply, a codependent relationship is one which simulates intimacy, with none of its rewards but all of its dramatic intensity.
The most effective methods for treating codependency are by treating the problem. Many codependents recover by attending support groups like (Codependents Anonymous), seeking therapy, and by building self-esteem and self-worth. The general idea to help rebuild self-esteem is by replacing negative thinking with healthy positive thoughts. Repeating positive thinking and behaviors will help rebuild a healthier self-image and outlook on behaviors. It took time to build low self-esteem; it will also take time to build up self-worth. When it comes to recovery, many codependent relationships are brought to a halt when the person suffering from the drug addiction goes into treatment and gets clean and sober. This can be painful and frightening for the codependent person, but it is obviously for the best. Hopefully, the codependent person will take advantage of this time to work on themselves and get healthy for when their loved one comes home. They should try to find activities that are free of needy people, and avoid putting themselves in situations where they have the potential to take on the role of a parent or care taker.